| Jul. 4th, 2004 @ 05:15 pm LOL. People that need tech support are mostly stupid: |
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Feeling::  amused
Good evening Starshine,
If you can say I'm your sunshine, then you must be my starshine.
So sing
the song "You Are My Sunshine" and substitute my only "Starshine" for
sunshine
because you are the most beautiful star in my heaven.
As I composed this letter, near the end of the corpus I had some
"dark"
thoughts about sin spelled S-K-I-N specifically regarding you and the
terrible
temptation that you are. Then suddenly a tornado came and all my
lights went
out. I don't always want the light because I like that warm dark
matter even
if it has stormy repercussions.
I am so grateful that you are unharmed and apparently the people
pannicking was a panorama of people watching - a psychological
interest. I
love the way you enjoy people and notice all the small things. I don't
know
why people worry about storms or things out of their control. And
control is
an illusion anyway.
Thank-you for faithfully communicating. I hold your messages in
my heart
and keep them in my purse. A lack of communication is a lack of love
and I'm
loving all the attention. I think I should play hard to get since I am
enjoying all that you give so freely. How could I not welcome someone
like you
into my life? You extend so much love and warmth that I found you
irresistible. Your loving personality just captivates people. You
would be a
winsome youth minister. I worked in the youth group at East 91st
Street
Christian Church and the youth minister developed a teenage worship
band to
lead praise and worship, but he had the personality of a fish so your
impressive talents could be invested for the LORD. They would pay high
dividends.
I am so glad to know you have loved and were well loved. It is
also a
wonderful character trait that you strive for peace with your former
wife as
much as it depends upon you. Hold on to what is good and throw out the
rest.
We were created for relationships and we can only grow in them. So all
relationships have something we need.
Bobby, the longer the separation the higher degree of missing
Bobby
blues. I will give you a l000 welcomes on Friday! When you come on the
Sabboth, you don't even have to carry money in your pockets. It is a
great
feeling to walk along so freely. A woman can cash in on this custom
and
say,"Bobby, on friday there will be no dinner until I've had enough
kisses!
It is like Dante's Hell because I can see you in my mind's eye
but I
can't touch you. I get the same feeling when I look into the near
starriness
of the heavens, far from making it less painful, makes it more so.
I pray for you many times a day. Bobby, I would love to work on
some
project for God with you. You are so musically gifted, photons of
glory would
come down and into your musi....il people's hearts were broken - for
how else
could they enter? I am also covering our relationship and this weekend
in
prayer. Since God lives inside of Christians, we will get a feel for
the
appropriate things to do.
When I met you, of paramount importance to me was meaningful
work. I'm
not the same person because now I feel it is not what I do that
matters most
but who I do it with. And you know "Musicians Duet Better". I think I
could
spend the rwest of my life just looking and listening to you. I never
imagined so much beauty and joy and music in one person that I
wouldn't feel
the need to look to anyone else. The cool part about you Bobby is that
you
move toward people and share and bless.
I'm in "exponential like" that is picking up momentun because
love is a
circle and it is only real if it reciprocated. In our case, it is the
work of
the same creator for those cosmic kisses and heartbeats are from God.
You kiss
like a god and now I'm really going crazy thinking about you. There
was a lady
named Kiss who went away in a relative way and returned the previous
night
looking for Bobby a bubbly musician crazy enough to love her. Maybe
she was
going crazy too for his smiles and songs were filling the whole the
size of
the Universe in her.
Bobby, learning to trust in my feelings is anti-intellectual but
it does
not feel like intellectual assault. Whatever I feel is bigger than
our
limited senses and perceptions. Darling I do feel God's radiance and
love in
you and it sets me free to enjoy our new love. I am discovering
organs and
places in my soul that I never knew existed, I am also discovering
places
outside myself and in you and in the heavens. It is the very first
time for me
and I'm simultaneuosly thrilled and frightened. Anything that can
bring this
much joy can also bring that much pain.
I was thinking about your insightful commentabout how you
observed many
destructive relationships in bars. It does seem that most dating in
bars is
nothing more than negotiating for sex. When I go to bars, I try to be
a light
in a dark place. I amm like a little porcelain teapot that the potter
would
fill with living water of various flavors to refresh and make people
feel
warmed and loved. I led and discipled people for the LORD in bars.
This next thought might make the roof blow off but sometimes I
feel like
my soul needs a cast. I have fallen a few times for junk food sex and
there is
nothing sadder than sex without love. However God is not a killjoy.
God
enjoys a good time and is into the sensate pleasures that is why He
created
sex and everythi8ng in the Universe. God told me one day to wait
because He
creates desire because He intends to fulfill it. Because God moves
inside
Christians, I began to feel the relentlessness of God to bring me
together
with the one He created for me and so I proceeded with searching for a
way out
of my loveless marriage. It was an act of faith.
This next paragraph is from a book I'm writing called A Beautiful
And
Compassionate God Makes Beautiful and Compassionate Things Happen. I
used to
think that I had missed the ultimate in life because I had never made
love to
the love of my life. I was taught there3 was no sez in heaven and I
felt
completely gypped and that heaven didn't have the one thing I wanted
most. It
used to actually make me cry. Then when I was crying and comfortless,
I
suddenly realized alot of things about the sexuality of God. We are
created in
his image and the sexuality of God compassionate. He knows making love
can
heal a broken person and broken humanity. Making love recreates lovers
as they
sharespiritual and physical DNA. Jesus is the groom of the Body of
Christ
which is the Church. The church is Jesus Bride and He is waiting to
make love
and share His Beautiful and Perfect DNA with everyone in the church
when they
get to heaven. Do'nt forget He has an androgymous nature. When we get
to
heaven, this is how He will make all the sadness come untrue; for
makling love
rereates lovers!
So does God really expect absinence? Do you know the answer? Why
didn't
God put a fence around the Tree of Knowledge Of Good and Evil? Why did
God not
create us perfect like Gods? Why did He create each of us with
specific
weaknesses He chose as part of our design which would inevitably lead
to sin?
The cool thing is that Adam did take a bite of the apple rather than
go all
througheternity without Eve. Because Adam and Eve fell she was cursed
with
child bearing which is how the earth was populated. From their
geneaology came
the Messiah. I think the hidden message is that it is better to trust
in Mercy
than in perfection as the real basis for relationships. Relationships
should
grow in grace because we are all born with a genetic disease called
S-I-N. So
the line separating good and evil runs straight down the middle of all
of us.
If God forgives and extends grace and we can't forgive ourselves and
others
than are we smarter than God? We need to adopt God's point of view.
I like temptation it makes me feel alive but I also know that sex
is
sacred and has its function and inverse function which makes it a
double edged
sword. I beieve certain sins have my name on them before I was born
and are
part of my destiny. I was not created perfect to live in an imperfect
world.
If we were perfect, who could stand us? Perfection alienates and
weaknesses
bond. We are sinners. We are loved. We are atoned for. "There is no
condemnation for those in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:11). So maybe God
likes to
give spiritual bubble baths. He forgives by cleaning us up without
adding
pain. To press the metaphor surgeons radically cut out flaws and
disease under
anasthesia. A beautiful and compassionate God makes beautiful and
compassionate things happen.
We would live in a state of execution if God never resored and
redeemed.
This is how He keeps us dependent on Him. He undertakes for those who
appropriate His Amazing Grace. His grace shines like stars in the
desert
leading us home.
I want to go home. Home is where the presence of God is. The
beauty of a
dark sky is the perfect background for stars and light of heaven.
Let's go to
a star party and look into God's big bedroom and view Deep Sky Objects
and
I'll look into the starlight in your eyes. |
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